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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28879845">The Merchant of Menace</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/soufflegirl91/pseuds/soufflegirl91'>soufflegirl91</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>James Bond (Craig movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Established Relationship, Fluff and Humour, M/M, Q branchers don't get out much, only slightly cracky, what James Bond does with his day off</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:53:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>817</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28879845</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/soufflegirl91/pseuds/soufflegirl91</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Q returns to his office to find someone blocking his doorway...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Bond/Q</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>180</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Merchant of Menace</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrKsan/gifts">MrKsan</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For the MI6 Cafe's January writing prompts. I combined the title prompt "The Merchant of Menace" with the dialogue prompt "stop that! You're scaring people." </p>
<p>Thanks as always to the wonderful Christine for being the best beta a writer could ask for, and Ksan and Storm for the cheering. </p>
<p>For my darling Ksanolas, as a 10 day late birthday gift fic :D I hope you enjoy it!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Q didn’t notice the silence at first.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The doors to Q branch closed behind him with a </span>
  <em>
    <span>whoosh</span>
  </em>
  <span> as he entered, busily tapping away at his phone. He just had to send off this quick reply to another one of M’s “urgent” emails, and then he would be free. Well, free for an hour, at least. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His feet followed the well-worn path around the bank of comms technicians, heading towards his office on auto-pilot. Some small portion of his brain must have picked up on the hush - Q could count on exactly </span>
  <em>
    <span>zero </span>
  </em>
  <span>fingers how many times it had been dead silent in the comms section - but it didn’t register until it was too late. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He finished his response and pressed send, stuffing his phone into his pocket just as he reached his office door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His office door which was… open. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His office door, which was open and had someone </span>
  <em>
    <span>leaning in the doorway</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you doing?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Waiting for you, of course.” James Bond grinned at him, pushing himself off the door jamb and leaning in to give Q a lingering kiss on the cheek. Q caught a whiff of his cologne - it was the woodsy French stuff Q had given him for Christmas. “I thought you might forget.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right.” Q raised a sceptical eyebrow. “And you couldn’t just call me?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You might have had your phone on silent.” The twinkle in James’s eyes belied the innocent expression he was trying to pull off. He was dressed down for once, in soft, worn jeans and a light grey T-shirt that flattered without showing off every muscle the man had. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This </span>
  </em>
  <span>was James Bond off-duty.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That explained the silence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Q rolled his eyes and elbowed past him into the office. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His staff were used to double-oh agents who dressed to impress, showing off their assets in form-fitting clothes or even no clothes at all. They </span>
  <em>
    <span>weren’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> used to seeing them on their days off. Double-oh agents as a rule did </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> come into the office if they didn’t need to be there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Q hurried over to his desk, docking his laptop and fishing his wallet out of his work bag. He picked up his jacket and turned back to leave.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>James was standing in the doorway again, staring out at Q’s team with his arms crossed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Q’s team were staring back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Poor Rhiannon had paused with her mug halfway to her mouth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Henry let out a muffled squeak and dropped his sandwich.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Q sighed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop that!” He poked James, gratified when it made him shiver just slightly. There </span>
  <em>
    <span>were</span>
  </em>
  <span> benefits to dating a double-oh, after all. You got to find out where all their sensitive spots were. “You’re scaring people.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m doing nothing of the sort,” James replied, but obediently moved out of the way to let Q past. “I was just standing here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Standing here intimidating my employees, you mean. We don’t pay you to scare our own side, you know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I would never intimidate the people who help keep my arse out of the fire, Q.” James tugged the jacket out of Q’s grasp with a smirk and held it up. “I’m just here to take my partner out to lunch.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Q shrugged into his jacket and heard a choked cough from one of his team. The sooner he got James out of here, the better. His staff might actually manage to get some work done, for one thing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, then,” Q said, tugging James in the direction of the door. “I’m starving, and you promised me curry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And a gentleman never goes back on his promises.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Q saw Sally sigh in relief as he passed her desk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He would have some </span>
  <em>
    <span>serious</span>
  </em>
  <span> making up to do this afternoon.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want poppadoms.” He scanned his passcard. “And raita.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, darling,” James replied, linking their hands together as they headed for the lift.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before the doors could close behind them, Q heard the whispering start. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They’re so </span>
  <em>
    <span>perfect</span>
  </em>
  <span> together. It’s so </span>
  <em>
    <span>romantic,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” sighed Sally</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s so </span>
  <em>
    <span>hot</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” muttered Henry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wish Bond would come in when he was off duty more often, it’s-” the doors closed before Rhiannon finished her sentence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Q pushed the button for the lift with a bit more force than necessary. He could feel James’s shoulders shaking next to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up,” he muttered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>James cleared his throat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t say a word.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can hear you thinking it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thinking what?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know what.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The lift doors opened with a ding. Q risked a glance at James’s face. His face was creased in silent laughter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Intimidating, did you say?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Q groaned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re never going to let me live this down, are you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m sure I will, eventually.” James tugged Q into the lift. “By the way, did you know that your team thinks you use your Quartermaster voice on me in bed? They're really not very good at whispering.”</span>
</p>
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